“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” (Romans 12:1-2)

I am beginning to understand a glimpse of why God may have wanted me to start a blog. It is one thing to read scripture, meditate on it and pray about it, but it is a whole other challenge to try to explain your interpretation of it to someone. I’m a verbal processor and many times when I say things out loud, I realize that my understanding of the topic isn’t accurate.

When I thought about this piece of God’s word, I thought about how, in my (and yours) life, I can live it out. “To present your bodies as a living sacrifice”, in one word means to be willing. The year before I joined the military I prayed diligently for God to use me for a purpose greater than my own. I remember reading Isaiah 6:8 “Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said, “Here am I. Send me!””. This one verse was a huge catalyst into why I joined. Being willing to do whatever God calls you to is one of the greatest ways to show him your faith and trust in him.

Whenever I have found myself trying to pursue a dream/passion/purpose that I felt God was calling me to, there were always folks along the way who freely shared their opinion about it. Most of the time, their opinion opposed what I was trying to do. “That’s not going to work”, “Are you sure this is what God wants you to do? I’m not sure it is.”, “I don’t know Kristin, that just doesn’t sound like a good idea to me”. Often times, these were the people who were the closest to me. It’s not that they didn’t want me to follow God’s calling, but that calling didn’t conform to their perspective of what living out God’s calling looked like to them.

Friends, this is a topic close to my heart and I pray you hear the Lord’s words: “…that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect”. Our communities (those people we trust in with our thoughts, decisions and biblical advice), love us and have our best interest at heart. But they are not God. If you have prayed diligently, sought biblical counsel and received it, and feel a deep churning in your soul to do something, go out and do it. Test and approve the Lord’s will. Do not let fear or some ones negative opinion hold you back from what the Lord is calling you to.

Taking chances and living this verse out is how the world changes, how people change and thus change other peoples lives. When I lived in Dallas I had a friend who always talked about moving. She was born and raised in Dallas and had never experienced life outside of the church and town she grew up in. Fear gripped her as friends and family verbally contemplated whether the move was her “best yes”. Finally, after years of talk, she took the leap of faith and moved. She now lives in Nashville and is thriving. She has been able to meet and touch peoples lives in ways myself and many of you never will. All because she took a step of faith and tested the Lord’s will.

So my question to you today: what is it that God is calling you to today? Are you conforming to the world, or are you testing the Lord’s will, allowing your mind to be renewed and your body to be a living sacrifice?

“What then shall we say? That the law is sin? By no means! Yet if it had not been for the law, I would not have known sin. For I would not have known what it is to covet if the law had not said, “You shall not covet.” But sin, seizing an opportunity through the commandment, produced in me all kind of covetousness. For apart from the law, sin lies dead. I was once alive apart from the law, but when the commandment came, sin came alive and I died. The very commandment that promised life proved to be death to me. For sin, seizing an opportunity through the commandment, deceived me and through it killed me. So the law is holy, and the commandment is holy and righteous and good.” (Romans 7:7-12)

I used to struggle with this passage. What comes after is a miracle, but this particular piece of scripture is hard for me. Why? Because I don’t want to know sin. If I had it my way, I would never want to know what sin is, the consequence of its actions and the toll it takes on the human soul. Ignorance is bliss they say. But is it?

When I wasn’t following Christ, sin wasn’t a thought. I did what I wanted, when I wanted, to whom, with whom and for whom I pleased. If someone crossed me, I got revenge. If my friends wanted to go party and get drunk, we went, partied and got drunk. When someone told me I couldn’t do something, I went and did it, simply out of rebellion. “I was once alive apart from the law…” (v. 9).

Even as I write this, I sit and think, “So what has changed?” Everything. Yet nothing at all.

My entire world flipped upside down when I heard the gospel for the first time. There was finally hope, peace, rest, joy and eager expectation for what was to come. I learned forgiveness and how it was given to me. Then, I learned how to extend that forgiveness to others who “crossed me”. I learned life and joy and freedom wasn’t found in a bottle but in the Bible. I learned that obedience was for my own good and protection. I learned that being my own God brought destruction to my life.

You see, if I never knew sin, I never would’ve met Jesus. “…but when the commandment came, sin came alive and I died.” (v. 9) When I recognized the dark hole of a life I had dug for myself, I also realized that Jesus and his death and resurrection was the ladder out of it. So I started climbing. He taught me what sin was and how it will take the best of things and make them evil if allowed. He taught me how to guard my heart, mind and thoughts to stop evil from coming in and ruining what was good, pleasing and perfect. He showed me what life was like when I walked with Him.

Yet nothing really changed at all. The offer of grace and redemption, a new life, continued to wait for me. My name, written in the book of life, remained. Jesus never changed. The truth was always there, I just chose not to receive it. Everything changed when I did.

Will you?

It won’t always be this way.

Where I wake up in a quiet household, grab my coffee and bible and sit in silence for the first hour of my day.

Where I can sit and pray about the day to come, awaiting in eager expectation for what God has in store for me.

Where I clearly see the path in front of me, and faithfully go forward in confidence.

It won’t always be this way.

It won’t always be this way.

Where my dad takes me to softball practice and sits along the fence line, analyzing my progress towards success.

Where he takes me to the job site to help him, only to assign me to the tedious shop-vac job of the townhomes.

Where he walks in the door after work saying “Honey, I’m home” and peace transcends the household one again.

No, it won’t always be this way.

It won’t always be this way.

Of war and violence, chaos and decay.

Where people say “I want to be this way”, leaving Him in complete dismay.

It won’t always be this way.

It won’t always be this way.

And some may say there’s no way.

But according to the Way, these times will not stay.

It won’t always be this way.

At the end of last year, my husband and I made a commitment that we would slow down. For us, that meant less traveling and even less set plans with friends on the weekend. We just wanted to be. To enjoy marriage and let things just be. Our friends mean the world to us and we still hang out with them often, just less “scheduled” time with them.

In the few short weeks we have done this, I have learned a few things. First, I find so much joy and relaxation knowing when I wake up on a Saturday, I have absolutely nothing to do and no where to be. To sit and enjoy my coffee with this freedom in mind has allowed me to truly rest. The go, go, go that I thought was expected of me to maintain good friendships and community, serve, work hard for my family and be a good wife was absolutely draining to me. But what I have found is that I do all of these things better when I have none of them planned at all. I am able to fully focus on my husband and his needs, randomly reach out to friends and community to come over for dinner or game night, and to give 100% of my attention to whatever it is that is right in front of me.

Second, my husband is the biggest sore loser out there. Seriously. We are both very competitive and I will be the first to admit that I hate losing and get a sour attitude afterwards, but this man cannot. let. it. go. I have told him this and he denies it but it is TRUE! We played the game Cashflow this weekend and he is not the greatest with finances. He bought every opportunity that came to him but his expenses were so high we was never able to exit the “Rat Race”. I ended up winning the first game we played on Saturday night and first thing Sunday morning he says “Do you want to play Cashflow again?” Sure, Adam, let’s play again. He won that round and now he is content to start his week in peace. LOL.

Third, having less plans has allowed for more time to explore new and old hobbies. I’ve never considered myself to have traditional hobbies. I enjoy working out, but not the 3+ hour gym rat kind of way. I like business, finances and investing- the entire subject nerds me out. So I spend much of my time reading books and listening to audiobooks on the subject. Recently, I started cooking more and have really enjoyed that. I was never a bartender and am not much of a drinker but have gotten the urge recently to try different drink recipes. We have also found how much we enjoy cooking at home together. It really is fun.

Overall, our commitment this year has come along well. Yes, we spend less time with friends, but honestly, we needed it. It has brought more life to us than we expected.

“In hope he believed against hope, that he should become the father of many nations, as he had been told, “So shall your offspring be.” He did not weaken in faith when he considered his own body, which was as good as dead (since he was about a hundred years old), or when he considered the barrenness of Sarah’s womb. No unbelief made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what he had promised. That is why his faith was “counted to him as righteousness.” (Romans 4:19-22)

At the end of 2020, I was 30 years old, single, living in the barracks in Pensacola, FL as Lance Corporal in the Marine Corps. I felt so behind in life. I had just changed careers and was surrounded by 18-19 year old’s who were just starting out. I felt humbled to say the least. But deeper than that was my yearning to be married. I had been praying for a spouse for years, trying to be obedient in each step I felt I was being led to. Yet I found myself in December alone on a bench outside my barracks room, crying out to God for understanding.

After many weeks of prayer and wrestling with the Lord, I began to feel a sense of peace. Its hard to put into words, but it was this confident sense of hope that God knows the desires of my heart and this one He put there. At the beginning of 2021, I started praying everyday for a husband. Not a prayer of anxiousness, but a prayer of hope, of eager expectation.

When I read this verse this morning, I was reminded of what hope is. Hope is trust in God that He is who He says He is and His promises are true. That the pure desires of my heart are known to Him. That, when those desires align with His will, they will be brought into existence. No unbelief should make me waver, because as I give glory to God, I will become fully convinced that He is able to do what He has promised.

My prayer for us today is that our faith in God grow beyond the limits of our hearts and minds.

But the words “it was counted to him” were not written for his sake alone, but for ours also. It will be counted to us who believe in him who raised from the dead Jesus our Lord, who was delivered up for our trespasses and raised for our justification. (Romans 4:23-25)

(P.S. I ended up meeting my now husband in April 2021.)

When I first joined the Marine Corps, that same gentle nudge had sat in me for almost a year and a half. A YEAR AND A HALF! I can still remember the constant confusion my overthinking and lack of trust caused me. Like I was waiting on God to ‘show me a sign’, yet that sign was never defined. It wasn’t going to be God physically showing up right in front me, saying “Yes, join the military” or an audible voice from the sky confirming I should do so. It sounds absurd to even say it but looking back, I think that’s exactly what I was waiting for.

Time and time again, these gentle nudges from God have appeared in my life. And nearly every time I don’t understand it. Yet, each time it happens and I obediently listen, it turns out to be the best thing for me. Sometimes, it changes the course of my life. Other times it allows God to place other factors in my life to guide me to the place He wants me to be.

I often wish I would listen faster. I’m pretty stubborn and get so mad at myself for having to constantly relearn the same lesson. This one, for instance, is a way that God has moved in my life repeatedly yet I still haven’t learned that quick obedience and action to whatever it is He is asking me to do is what is the absolute best for me at that time.

So why haven’t I learned? Fear. Lack of trust. At the end of the day, I want to be in control and know what the future will hold. I fear making mistakes. I fear embarrassment from those mistakes. I fear someone close to me telling me I shouldn’t do something, then it doesn’t work out and they say “I told you not to do that”.

I know I am not alone in this so this is my encouragement to all my readers who find themselves struggling with the same thing. You’re not alone.

I’ve felt God nudging me to start a blog for a long time. A quiet, gentle, consistent nudge. Honestly, I don’t know why. I don’t know who my target audience is, what type of content I will post or who will even be interested in what I have to say. What I do know is that God has urged me to do this for a long time and obedience is listening even when I don’t understand (easier said than done).

I guess I will start with where I currently am in life. Right now I live in Pasadena, Maryland but am a born and raised Kentuckian to the core. Currently I am working as a cyber analyst in the United States Marine Corps. I used to sell real estate in Dallas and have found myself really missing it this past year so I am trying to find a way back into it. I married my husband Adam in May of last year. We have one dog and live in a three story townhome that, although we both prefer having land and acreage to roam on, we have really grown to enjoy it. Our church, LightHouse, has been a huge blessing to us this past year. We joined our first married community group this past fall and have really bonded well with many of the couples in the group. That has been one of God’s biggest blessing in our marriage this year. Before, we were sort of alone. We had friends (well, my husband had friends) but they weren’t really involved in the day to day of our lives. I believe to my core that people were never meant to live alone- we were created to love and be loved. And God’s design for that was community. So this has been a provision from the beginning for us.

Two months after my husband and I married my dad passed away from cancer. The hole that lives in my heart is massive. My dad was and is my best friend. I miss him so much it hurts. I have never experienced grief before and I still haven’t figured it out. Some days I feel fine, almost like nothing has happened. But recently, my heart has become more and more sad. I’ve lost motivation to do things that I know I enjoy and are good for me. It’s like the longer time goes by, the harder it gets. Everything reminds me of him. The past week, I have had the worst bad dreams and he is in it. The other night, I dreamt he was dying from COVID and there was nothing I could do to save him. The next night and the night after that were similar dreams. And it has been extremely difficult to talk to anyone about my grief because frankly, I don’t feel like people care to hear it, can relate or they simply try to fix it and make me feel better (which makes it all worse).

As I said before, I don’t know why God wants me to start this blog. Hopefully one day someone can read these posts and gain some comfort that they aren’t alone. Maybe they will learn a thing or two about God and life. All I know, is this is my next step of obedience.