I’ve felt God nudging me to start a blog for a long time. A quiet, gentle, consistent nudge. Honestly, I don’t know why. I don’t know who my target audience is, what type of content I will post or who will even be interested in what I have to say. What I do know is that God has urged me to do this for a long time and obedience is listening even when I don’t understand (easier said than done).

I guess I will start with where I currently am in life. Right now I live in Pasadena, Maryland but am a born and raised Kentuckian to the core. Currently I am working as a cyber analyst in the United States Marine Corps. I used to sell real estate in Dallas and have found myself really missing it this past year so I am trying to find a way back into it. I married my husband Adam in May of last year. We have one dog and live in a three story townhome that, although we both prefer having land and acreage to roam on, we have really grown to enjoy it. Our church, LightHouse, has been a huge blessing to us this past year. We joined our first married community group this past fall and have really bonded well with many of the couples in the group. That has been one of God’s biggest blessing in our marriage this year. Before, we were sort of alone. We had friends (well, my husband had friends) but they weren’t really involved in the day to day of our lives. I believe to my core that people were never meant to live alone- we were created to love and be loved. And God’s design for that was community. So this has been a provision from the beginning for us.

Two months after my husband and I married my dad passed away from cancer. The hole that lives in my heart is massive. My dad was and is my best friend. I miss him so much it hurts. I have never experienced grief before and I still haven’t figured it out. Some days I feel fine, almost like nothing has happened. But recently, my heart has become more and more sad. I’ve lost motivation to do things that I know I enjoy and are good for me. It’s like the longer time goes by, the harder it gets. Everything reminds me of him. The past week, I have had the worst bad dreams and he is in it. The other night, I dreamt he was dying from COVID and there was nothing I could do to save him. The next night and the night after that were similar dreams. And it has been extremely difficult to talk to anyone about my grief because frankly, I don’t feel like people care to hear it, can relate or they simply try to fix it and make me feel better (which makes it all worse).

As I said before, I don’t know why God wants me to start this blog. Hopefully one day someone can read these posts and gain some comfort that they aren’t alone. Maybe they will learn a thing or two about God and life. All I know, is this is my next step of obedience.