“What then shall we say? That the law is sin? By no means! Yet if it had not been for the law, I would not have known sin. For I would not have known what it is to covet if the law had not said, “You shall not covet.” But sin, seizing an opportunity through the commandment, produced in me all kind of covetousness. For apart from the law, sin lies dead. I was once alive apart from the law, but when the commandment came, sin came alive and I died. The very commandment that promised life proved to be death to me. For sin, seizing an opportunity through the commandment, deceived me and through it killed me. So the law is holy, and the commandment is holy and righteous and good.” (Romans 7:7-12)

I used to struggle with this passage. What comes after is a miracle, but this particular piece of scripture is hard for me. Why? Because I don’t want to know sin. If I had it my way, I would never want to know what sin is, the consequence of its actions and the toll it takes on the human soul. Ignorance is bliss they say. But is it?

When I wasn’t following Christ, sin wasn’t a thought. I did what I wanted, when I wanted, to whom, with whom and for whom I pleased. If someone crossed me, I got revenge. If my friends wanted to go party and get drunk, we went, partied and got drunk. When someone told me I couldn’t do something, I went and did it, simply out of rebellion. “I was once alive apart from the law…” (v. 9).

Even as I write this, I sit and think, “So what has changed?” Everything. Yet nothing at all.

My entire world flipped upside down when I heard the gospel for the first time. There was finally hope, peace, rest, joy and eager expectation for what was to come. I learned forgiveness and how it was given to me. Then, I learned how to extend that forgiveness to others who “crossed me”. I learned life and joy and freedom wasn’t found in a bottle but in the Bible. I learned that obedience was for my own good and protection. I learned that being my own God brought destruction to my life.

You see, if I never knew sin, I never would’ve met Jesus. “…but when the commandment came, sin came alive and I died.” (v. 9) When I recognized the dark hole of a life I had dug for myself, I also realized that Jesus and his death and resurrection was the ladder out of it. So I started climbing. He taught me what sin was and how it will take the best of things and make them evil if allowed. He taught me how to guard my heart, mind and thoughts to stop evil from coming in and ruining what was good, pleasing and perfect. He showed me what life was like when I walked with Him.

Yet nothing really changed at all. The offer of grace and redemption, a new life, continued to wait for me. My name, written in the book of life, remained. Jesus never changed. The truth was always there, I just chose not to receive it. Everything changed when I did.

Will you?