If I have learned anything over the past couple of years, it’s that nine times out of ten when I get upset about something, it stems from unmet expectations.

Whether we realize it or not, we all have them. I have found most of mine to be subconscious, hence to why I get upset when they aren’t met. My husband called me this morning (we wake up early) on his way to work to ask me what I wanted for Valentine’s Day. He proceeded to explain that he wanted to set expectations before the actual day arrived to make sure we were on the same page.

Cute, right? It wasn’t so cute when we were dating, engaged and the first few months we were married, especially holidays. We learned the hard way that “over communication” was key for us. That we needed to project the picture of how we saw vacations, holidays, celebrations, etc. way in advance so that we could discuss how we can help meet that expectation (or not meet if it was unrealistic).

“The hope of the righteous brings joy, but the expectation of the wicked will perish.” (Proverbs 10:28)

I came across this verse this morning, in perfect timing of my husband’s phone call. When I set an expectation in my mind, I set a standard. The problem with standards is when someone comes up short, the expectation isn’t fulfilled. And we always manage to come up short.

Hope, on the other hand, allows room for error. And in that space of error is grace. This verse convicted me because I have not been replacing expectation with hope. Yet it is a sweet reminder that hope in place of expectation will bring joy.

Instead of the hardened stance of expectation, where when standards aren’t met come arguments and rage, I pray we all strive for a softened heart and hope, allowing space for failure to be met with grace and understanding.