This past weekend, my husband and I got in a huge fight. Frankly, the reason was silly. I wasn’t in the greatest mood and I came in from work with an attitude and a chip on my shoulder. Almost as if I were looking for a fight. We got into it in the kitchen and within seconds we just exploded on one another. Adam ended up leaving the kitchen and spent the rest of the night downstairs, trying to cool off.

I laid there that night, praying and searching my heart for what I had done wrong. I just could not figure it out. The next morning, I read a book called Love and Respect by Emmerson Eggerichs. The chapter I read spoke directly to this idea of how women, at our deepest core, desire love, and men, at their deepest, desire respect. When neither feels they are getting that, conflict arises. Yet many times, the reason- needing love and respect- is not voiced. I then googled and found an article on how to respect your husband.

I realized in that chapter and reading that article that I was not respecting Adam. I had him read that same chapter and article later in the morning and he agreed that was exactly how he felt. As we got to talking and I began voicing how I feel, it dawned on me that I felt unloved, yet not by my husband.

At work, I have been struggling to find my place. I joined a new office a few months ago and since then I have just felt lost with no real direction on what my place on the team is and how to fit in. It took until last week to even be noticed that I was on the team. Through various comments and conversations, I have felt less than, unappreciated, stupid and unloved.

That morning when we talked, I realized for the first time that being unloved is how I felt for a long time. Through a bad relationship in college that ended horribly and losing friends along the way, I have fought day-in and day-out to just earn love by people. This weekend was the first time in my life I was able to define the exact reason I feel the way I feel and do the things I do- being unloved.

When we speak to people poorly, whatever the reason, that makes them feel unloved. When we are on our phones when someone else is talking to us, that is unloving. When we disregard the other persons opinion and voice our own in a way that it is the “better way” that is unloving. When we don’t stop and give our full attention in conversations, that is unloving.

I felt the need to write this today because I don’t think I am the only one who feels this way. We are all loved, by someone, somewhere, but more than any person, we are loved by God. He always stops to listen, always responds with grace and truth, and will always comfort us in every moment we ask. He is our creator and Father and he loves us, unconditionally.

I pray today that we all treat others the same way our heavenly Father does; with love.