Last night I had a dream that I had a baby. But this baby was conceived through IUI. When I had him, he was beautiful. There was a vivid moment when my dad walked in the room and I picked up my son and said “Are you ready to meet your grandpa?” My dad cried and held his grandson for the first time.

But I also remember having deep feelings of guilt. This child I had, as beautiful as he was, was born out of my own self-ambition and impatience. I wasn’t married and wanted a baby so bad that instead of waiting for God’s timing, I took matters into my own hands and forced a child into existence. (Remember, this is still a dream).

This morning, as I thought about this dream, I felt like it was the Lord speaking to me. Adam and I have prayed for a child since we got married and month after month we remain childless. Friends are getting pregnant and having children all before our eyes, yet we sit here continuing to pray for our chance.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)

I meditate on this verse often. As I see the way our lives are unfolding, and the opportunities the Lord is placing in front of us, I remember that His way and His timing is best. He is preparing us for a child- getting all the odds and ends in place before allowing us to bring a sweet little one into the world. If we had gotten pregnant right after we were married, it would have been joyful none the least, but a struggle. The time we have had, just Adam and I, over this past year to just be still with one another has been more of a blessing than I can describe.

We pray daily for a child. But we also follow up that prayer with another- that His timing always be better than our own.