Our only expectation was to find out the gender.

My husband and I decided to forgo the blood test at 12 weeks and instead decided to wait until the anatomy scan because it was scheduled to be done five days before Father’s Day. The idea was to have the gender written on a piece of paper and do one of those cheesy gender reveals where you buy a small cake that has the color pink or blue inside of it, and we find out the gender after we cut into the cake. This whole idea fell apart two days before the scheduled anatomy scan. Due to a scheduling miscommunication, our original appointment was cancelled and we were not able to reschedule until the day after Father’s Day. We were bummed to say the least.

The day of the scan, I went to the doctor appointment alone. I cannot recall why my husband couldn’t make it, but I didn’t think much of it because we expected everything to go fine. I was quickly called back into the room where the scan was to be conducted and the ultrasound technician got started right away. She introduced herself and the resident accompanying her that day and explained the process. I had gone through this once before with our first daughter so this wasn’t new to me.

Once the scan started, myself, the ultrasound technician and the resident did not say much. I stared at the screen, trying to figure out which body part I was looking at, but it all looked like mush to me. Good mush, but mush all the same. I asked a few questions and the technician explained, “Here is the arm”, and “here is the leg”, but then went back to doing her scans. It was quiet and I thought this was odd. With our firstborn, the ultrasound technician was quite talkative and explained what she was looking at and why. But not this girl. At one point, she asked me to use the bathroom because the baby was “in an odd position” and she couldn’t see what the gender was. After I came back, she tried to see one more time but said she was still not able to determine the gender definitively. “Well this sucks”, I thought. Then, both her and the resident got up and left the room. They told me to relax and stay put, that the doctor would be in shortly. In total, the anatomy scan lasted MAYBE 25 minutes.

I thought this was weird. 25 minutes? They got everything they needed in 25 minutes? The scan with our daughter lasted at least 45-50 minutes. I sat there patiently, trying not to overthink it.

Then they asked me to move rooms.

It was at this point that I began to feel something was wrong. A 25 minute scan and now I was being asked to move rooms? This was definitely not the same as our first scan and something had to be wrong. Then, the doctor walked in.

“Thank you for waiting. We finished the scan and it appears that your baby has club feet. This is when a baby’s feet grow in and up instead of down and straight. We believe it is bi-lateral, meaning both feet. The baby is in a breech position, so it was difficult to conduct the full anatomy scan because this position blocks many of the views we need. Therefore, a full scan was not conducted and we will need to re-scan. In addition, when we were looking at the baby’s brain, the back part at the bottom is called the cerebellum. This part of the brain controls mobility. This part is measuring small. It should be measuring the same size that you are gestationally, meaning if you are 20 weeks pregnant it should measure 20 millimeters in size. Right now, it is measuring at about 17 millimeters. This is not common, but it is also not an indicator that something is wrong. We will continue to monitor over the rest of your pregnancy and as long as it continues to grow and the baby is showing signs of movement, then it might be fine.”

There are only a handful of moments in life that will completely take your breath away. Where your heart drops into your stomach. Where you know, in that one moment, your life will never be the same. This was that moment.

There was no holding back my tears and I could have cared less who saw. I had so many questions, yet was speechless at the same time. Even as I write this, no words feel adequate enough to describe how I felt, how I still feel about it all.

The doctor and I talked for awhile after that. I asked her all the questions I could think of- will the baby survive? Is the rest of the baby normal? How is the heartbeat? What is the treatment for clubfeet? Have you ever dealt with abnormalities of this type? Etc., Etc., Etc. She graciously and patiently answered all of my questions.

The whole time I cried. Just cried and cried. Eventually, I ran out of questions and realized I had to leave the doctors office eventually. Staying there wouldn’t change the news I just received and I needed to go home. When I left, I immediately called my husband, sobbing, and told him the news. He was floored. I don’t think he really understood what I was saying because he was in shock.

I literally went to my anatomy scan with the simple intent to find out the gender. But instead, this is the news we got.

To be continued…